Please, forgive me!

Today, the Jewish nation is mourning the destruction of both Jerusalem temples. The second one, according to the tradition, was destroyed because of baseless hatred (sin'at chinam). Hatred, which is unexcusable, abominable and to be erased from our minds.
The problem is, that we became so insensitive, that we even do not feel, when it comes. Worse, we became masters in reasoning and excusing all negative feelings, hatred and impatience towards the other. We even dare say: There is no baseless hatred. All people I hate I hate for a very good reason.
Well. If we really want to see the temple rebuilt, it is high time we changed our attitude. It will certainly also lead to smoother preparations before Yom Kippur, when we are obliged to ask for forgiveness people we hurt in the past year, intentionally or unintentionally.

There are only a couple of limited reasons, when a Jew is permitted to 'hate' (and even then, the object of the hatred is the behaviour, words, acts and not a person per se). I am not an expert in this, but what I understood from the teachings, the only hatred that is permitted is towards behaviour that is clearly against the Torah (I am not talking now about myriads of examples when we think a person acts against the Torah, while in fact he only acts against our understanding of the Torah, which might be partial, of even wrong).

If I have a problem with my neighbour, I have to solve it. Not to keep it inside, which inevitably leads to bad sentiments and baseless hatred. What is true about neighbours is the more so true about family, friends and our partners. We certainly do not want to reach the point, when we hate them and we even do not know why! Talk, talk, talk. In respect and dignity, but talk it over!

Another issue that came upon my mind was the art of saying sorry. How easy is to say this word, how easy is to avoid saying it, and how easy is to completely underestimate its impact on the recipient.

Anyone would agree that if I hurt someone intentionally, misbehave, shout at him, call him names, I should apologize. No matter what the reason was (it is the other's turn to apologize for that, if proper).
Some people think, however, that if they hurt unintentionally, there is no reason to apologize. And that is the source of misunderstandings, bad sentiments and hours of silence. Why should I apologize even when I 'didn't mean it'?
The answer is: empathy. Empathy is one of the precious stones, that Hashem gave to the people. To feel sorry for the other's pain. It can be learned. It should be learned. It is something that makes us more human beings.
Empathy is not the sign of weakness. It is the sign of personal strength.
If I insult or hurt someone unintentionally, by mistake or not paying attention to words, by saying 'Sorry' I actually say 'I didn't mean to hurt you, but still I am sorry you feel bad because of what I did/said.'
As a comparison we can use the following example: If I step on someone's foot, it is quite clear I didn't mean to do that (that would belong to the pathology of interpersonal relations, which is not the subject here). I didn't mean to cause pain. Still, I say sorry. Why? To show I care. Some people might mistakenly think, that by saying sorry they accept some guilt, that they are opened to be blamed for this and that and who knows what else. That is why they refrain from saying Sorry. No, no. It is far easier. By saying sorry we just say: 'I am sorry it hurts. I am sorry I caused the pain, even if unintentionally.'

This is something that breaks the ice. It strenghtens the relationship.

You might think: Why to write about such a trivial issue? It is a commonplace! A second thought will however reveal, that the reality nowadays is quite different. We do not pay much attention to what we say, or when we say that. We are many times in such a rush that we see only the goal and we run to reach it, not looking to the right and left.
Apathy got the stage. Apathy and idifference means an end to 'humanity', as set up by Hashem at its creation.

Now go and see, what is good.