A month ago, I started a contemplation on challenges that we have in our lives. I received one response, which I could identify with (see there). My impression is, that dealing with challenges is either tabu or something everyone knows how to do but me.
The three conclusions, I made in the end are not conclusions I made, but rather attempt to show, how the subject can be wrongly grasped. Now I will try to see, what are the alternatives.
1) The wrong conclusion was: I can bear anything that happens. I must succeed to overcome all life challenges smoothly and with elegance. People who hurt me are heavenly messengers, and I should maybe thank them.
Correction (inspired by the commentator):
It is true that Hashem loads on us a lot of difficulties, but he does so in order that we find a right response, and grow. The rule seems to be - the more precious the lesson, the more painful the way to it.
People who hurt you have their own account with Hashem, and it is not your business to drive conclusions about them and their account, except for the fact, that you might want to avoid them next time. They are not heavenly messengers.
2) The wrong conclusion was: I don't want to be righteous, it really doesn't pay. It is easier not to strive for being a better person, because good people have it more difficult. Alternative reaction: If I find something very difficult, it means I am righteous.
Both statements are obviously a nonsense. Sometimes, we tend to make our lives easier saying - I am not capable to do this and that, because I am not at that spiritual level. Well, it is up to everyone of us to know what we strive for and how we want to get there. Sometimes less is more, but many times we can do more than we think.
If I have many difficulties, it is not a sign of my righteousness, as nicely said: It is more a sign of potential than actual. If I find a proper response to difficulties, it may help me to come closer to being righteous.
3) We should look forward to any challenge, and we should even look for it actively, as challenges lead to spiritual growth.
This is absolutely wrong. We ask Hashem every morning, that he spare us all trials and challenges. We are not here to look for them. The truth is, that we have to many of challenges even without trying to catch any opportunity to be challenged.
Well, how easy it seems to be!! The problem is - and that is why we find ourselves many times in trouble - that not always we choose a proper response to a challenge. Too many times we hope for a miracle, too many times we rely on things, facts, and people that are not reliable. Too many times we expect the others to change, without being ready to change ourselves, too many times we load on ourselves more than we can bear thinking that this is what Hashem surely wants from us.
And that is why I think, that what I wrote might be nice and true, but it still does not help me to know, what to do.
The only lesson that never is the wrong one, is, as is written in this week's chapter of Pirkei Avot:
'He who has the three attributes is among the disciples of Avraham Avinu [...]: A good eye, a humble mind and an undemanding soul...' (PA, 5:22)
May we be able to be like Avraham Avinu, and may we learn right lessons from the most difficult challenges we go through.
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